Whorefriends

I swear I am the one who came up with the word “suits” when refering to bay st financial and lawyer types. Problem is though, not too many people belive this. They think I am making this up.

So here is my new word for the day:

Whorefriends….these are friends with benefits. This term belongs to a spouses not so innocent friends. One’s that he says are platonic. And yet, the other, more loyal spouse, has a bad feeling about the situation and lacks trust.

So If you hear this, you will know that I came up with this brand new slang term.

Swimming through Shark infested waters—ok the sharks are Halloween Chocolates

This is day one of me not working for the Realm. How weird it feels, not to be doing the thing I always did. How odd and how strange. Oh well, what can you do really but kind of coast along as the world moves forward. The temptation is to jump in and do what I’ve always done, answered emails, talked to clients, checked in on things…but all that is gone.

The blue economy is getting me down too. Just now I saw the TD bank forecast=they say that Canada is in a ressession, which means that it’s going to be difficult making ends meet. I remember the last ressession in the 70’s where my mom thought it may be a good idea to just pack everything up and live on the farm like pioneers. I hope it doesn’t come to that. Though having been reduced to only a suitcase of stuff twice in my life, I have learned that you get by on the things that are most importnat to you:

• The people whom you love, who love you back
• Things that are free: affection, play, laughter
• Your intellect, your courage and you postiive attitude.
• The willingness to keep on going no matter what.

Today, I’m expecting people over for Samhain, pronounced many different ways by many people, all who say that they have the right pronunciation. It should be fun. I will try to keep my eating low. My eating lately has been sporadic at best, sometimes I over-eat sometimes not. But I don’t want to gain the weight back so I’ll record my food here still to try to get a handle on things.

Where I am now.

 

Well, I’m in-between jobs, which kind of feels like a crappy place to be, and processing all the emotions around this.

Just a reminder guys that I use this website to deal with some tough emotions. I write about them rather than eating during them, it’s really a much better thing to do: Writing vs. eating that is.

My food has been very messy, I think I gained about 4 lbs. Though I’m going to go back to Saturday morning being my weigh in date (I’ll do it with my hubby)….and check in with my support group.

Meanwhile I plan to:

1. Improve my web skills.

2. Improve my graphic software know-how.

3. Seek out new jobs.

4. Really clean up this house.

I will do anything and everything I can to remain strong and positive.

Here is my food for today:

Breki

Kashi cereal 3, milk 2 coffee 1= 6points

Lunch

Salad 2, Tilapia 6= 8points

Dinner

Turkey sausage 5, sauerkraut.= 6 Points

Total= 20 points

Turkey talking

Well, another family dinner went by and this time I have to say, I ate sanely. I had about 3 oz of turkey without skin, I heaped up on the veggies and only had a small amount of potato. Also, only one slice of pie, so over all not too bad. I can see the skinny me coming out in my pictures. I’m much more happier with them than ever before.

from corbis

This week, I plan to really get down and dirty with my eating and stick to my guns about the changes I want to make.

I also feel a cold coming on, but hopefully some rest and echniacia will help me with that.

Weekend madness is a bad idea.

Since my week started on a Saturday, I’ve been looking at the weekend as a time to go crazy food wise lately. Also since I’ve thrown in the towel fertility wise, I’ve been tempted to smoke again. I originally quit smoking 3 years ago because I wanted to get pregnant. That didn’t  happen even after drugs and poking and prodding from doctors. And now, when I’ve reached the end of my fertility rope, I am once more tempted by my so called friend smokey.

So lately diet is a struggle, I want to smoke– can’t– then want to eat, can’t so I choose “safe binge foods” like rice cakes, rice crackers, popcorn. (Notice all carb like). This has to stop. I am also feeling somewhat blue.

I just found out too that my ex husbands new (and younger wife) is now pregnant too. My ex and I tried to have babies, just as well that we didn’t.

Ok enough whining.

I really need to be more positive about my situation, count my blessings and focus on making a big change or two. Maybe I should try a more OA approach as well, where I tell myself no snacks in-between meals.

I don’t know.

Any ideas?

Obessions

I am obsessing about group dynamic and politics. You see, there are groups that I want to belong to, but everything says it’s a no go. My astrology transits, tarot card reading, etc. Actually for the next year, I’m supposed to be on my own, measuring my “self worth.” (Astrologically).

Saturn in my Second house squares with my sun in my 11th house: Which basically means that this year is all about finding a sense of self worth in a group dynamics situation. Old childhood issues come up once more and they are replayed. It’s time to change that and focus in on my own strengths. Also Uranus squares My sun too and my ascendant is affected too.

I know most of you don’t know much about Astrology, but basically this year is all about learning patience, independence, going with the flow, and just being myself. It is not about me belonging with any group, be it personal, spiritual or work. According to my I Ching,  though having friends is great especially if they are outside a group formation.

Naturally that does nothing for my food addiction. However, today, this is my food:

Breaki small bagel 3, 2.5 Tb penut butter 3, coffee 2, 1/2 banana= 9points

Lunch mixed vegies, 1oz cheese 3, 1 tlb olive oil 1, 2 eggs 4= 8 points (and I feel full)

Dinner: Chicen breast3 in tomato sauce, with 1 cup brown rice, wine 3=8

Snack 2 rice cakes 1, tsp honey .5= 1.5

26 points in total which isn’t bad. This weekend was crazy and out of control. So that has to stop. Emotionally i need to recharge and find my center again and stop relying on food to help me feel calmer. At least I journaled today and I’ll try to keep my food under 30 points for the remainder of the week.

Chocolate instead of Change say it isn’t so!

One of my friends is working in India and she snapped a picture of this sign. I’ll let it speak for itself.

Today I used up all my extra points this Saturday on a Hamburger and fries with Beer…so long extra points…just as well. Now it’s back to the sane skinnier eating for the rest of the week. I only lost .2 lbs but I guess that’s much better than going up.

Thanks go Ms Bean I went to WW, I didn’t want to but she bugged me and I knew I had no choice.

No Greys Anatomy, so channel flipped through the poltical debates.

I watched the political debate on TV it was pretty interesting. Why does the leader of the Party Quebecois make the most sense? (Except of course on the Quebec separatist issues?)

Personally I’m a fan of Elizabeth May myself. I like the fact that she actually lives her policy, and that she is passionate about what she stands for. I haven’t seen too many Green Party signs around though. Hmmm…..hey that could be because they are conserving paper!

In my fantasy world Elizabeth May decides to run as a VP for the Republicans’ party instead of Sara…it could be an alternate reality where peace and love would rule the universe….

This year I made Ian watch the debate, (My 18 year old son) only because I think it’s important that he makes an educated decision about our Government. This will be his first time voting.

Why did this debate go on during the American one? Are we in competition or is there some kind of strange conspiracy going on where the Canadian politicians are trying to distract us from what’s going on down south? That’s a pretty crazy theory, but still I wonder…why the same day? Oh well maybe because it was a VP debate and not a presidential one.

OH and Fashion Jury people: Please take Elizabeth May aside and help her with her teeth. She’s got that beaver smile–although it is very Canadian icon like, really, her smile makes the fashonistas cry for help, like Sirens calling the ships to the rocks.

And while you are at it, give the boys some good tips too….they haven’t changed their look since 1989.

Today’s food was:

Bagel 5, PB 2, banana 2, coffee 2=11

Snack

6 rice cakes =3 points

1 apple =1 point =4

Lunch

Squash soup 2, 5 dates 2, olives 0, 1/2 bun 1.5 , cheese 2= 7.5=22.5

Dinner

Tuna casserole 6 (Light style less cheese, and 1percent milk) (Thanks Rachel Ray!-This was a hit).

wine 2

chocolate 1

total= 31.5 (also walked for over an hour….)

Rethinking the Meal.

Well, today is one busy day. I have been trying to rethink the meal and get a little creative with my food. It’s  time to introduce more soup and salad into my lunches and less of the two slice carb heavy sandwich deal. I especially love creative salads with things like nuts and dates in them.

image from http://www.britishcheese.com/cmfiles/65/shropshire%20blue%20salad%202.jpg

This is what I have for today:

Breaki

bagel 5 points, peanut butter 2 points, coffee 2points, banana 2 points, = 11 points

Lunch

2 rice cakes (1 point), salad dressing 1 point, feta 1 point, 1 tbl sunflowers 1 piont, 5 dried dates 2 points, turkey kielbasa 2=

9 points

That leaves me 11 points. I plan to have a latte 5 tonight (5points) and two more rice cakes on my way home after a reading…I should bring some dates with me too…8 points….

That should do it, maybe an apple if I’m starving before my gig.

Dinner Drives Me crazy.

Maybe it’s not having enough dinner that’s what drives me crazy. I want to make Shepard’s Pie but that is 9 pionts for 1 cup. However, I can maximise this by adding lots of vegies into this pie. I’ll stirfry Peppers, onions, carrrots, garlic, zuchhini etc. So i can make one serving larger! Now there’s an idea. I’ll also go easy on the cheese.

It’s like a balancing act,trying to figure out how to feel full on less food. Maybe I should move to core. What are the tricks that you guys use to make yourself feel full, when you are eating less?

from Corbis.com

Has anyone noticed that on the Rachel Ray show everyone claps when she uses cheese?

My food today has been:

Breki

kashi, milk, coffee, banana = 9 points

2 rice cakes 1 piont

Lunch-

klobassa (turkey) cheese (light havarti), 1/4 cup noodles = 6 points

Dinner-

Shepard’s pie 1 cup, salad, wine= 13 poins

light popcorn= 1 point.